I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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