the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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