guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
