Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it hurts more in the daytime
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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