Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So much rum. So many feels.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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