I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
