Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize