he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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