He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
