Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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