Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
