what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
