My sheets look like a crime scene.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
