Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
