So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i've created a new STD.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
