Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize