So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
FUCK WHALES
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
