Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
