Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
