Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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