I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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