Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
