I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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