She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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