pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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