I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
