We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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