Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
3 2 1 whiskey
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
