Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
