now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
