He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
