The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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