Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
