I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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