Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
