i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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