Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
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my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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