if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
