He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
