I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
