So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She bit a glass in half.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
