Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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