How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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