I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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