i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Your penis caused this!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
