Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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