respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I want her autograph on my taint
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
