This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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