I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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