I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
