Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
