You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
