i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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