i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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