i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
