My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
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is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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