That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
