Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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