I cannot find my penis.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
