How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
