Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
