No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
