She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
