I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
