You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize