fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
