i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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