I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
