I cockslap morals
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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